Ramblings of Psychos

I keep having this reoccurring dream where I wake up, strapped down in a bed. Not actually strapped...

Thu, 23 May 2013 02:27:49 -0500

I keep having this reoccurring dream where I wake up, strapped down in a bed. Not actually strapped down but stuck with wires all over my fingers and bandages on my wrists. It reminds me of last summer when I overdosed but it is so much worse. More real. I’m screaming that everyone needs to stop saving me, I’m screaming and screaming but no one hears me. I dyed my hair one last time because I always wanted to leave a pretty corpse behind. I missed a spot. Restart. Saved. I’m in another hospital. I’m probably never leaving again. I deserve to be locked up. I wanted to leave a pretty corpse. My hair is red like flames, like the blood that came pooling out of my wrists, like every little iota of hate I’ve ever envisioned I keep having this dream. Rinse and repeat.

If you are one of my lovely anons, message me and I will give you my new URL. I was getting sick of...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 22:50:41 -0500

If you are one of my lovely anons, message me and I will give you my new URL. I was getting sick of the hate shit

Effervescent The lights all shone so bright as we twirled around the gym floor, our hips swaying to...

Tue, 04 Sep 2012 03:18:44 -0500

Effervescent

The lights all shone so bright as we twirled around the gym floor, our hips swaying to the rhythm of the bass or rocking to the quite beat of a slow song. Everything had been perfect, everything flowed in perfect rhythm, the night had been wonderful, better than any dream I could have conjured up. My dress twinkled under little sparkles of light, I was a princess, and I felt like I was floating on air. It had been my night, I didn’t care what anyone said. I had the right to be girly and carefree without any judgment.

It was no big deal to me, I had no intention of even going but here I was sitting on the floor of my mother’s room as she applied make up to my pale face for the prom. Months ago, I would never had guessed I would be attending prom. Let alone would I have thought that I would go with anyone, especially someone I liked. The smile plastered on my face seemed to be forever permanent; happiness radiated off of me, and I was buzzing with excitement. Finally I was becoming the dream daughter my mother had always wanted as she dressed me up like her perfect barbie doll. I was prepared and ready for the big moment of the dress. Thirty pounds lighter and somehow my dress managed to fit me like a glove. The light purple material clung in all the right places and the fake diamonds gave off a feel of royalty, I felt like a princess and the night had yet to begin.

Alexander picked me up at three in the afternoon, his handsome black tux perfectly offset the light shade of my dress, and the embarrassing flood of pictures commenced. My mother, his mother, the mother of every friend we went with felt the overwhelming urge to take a million pictures to commemorate this supposedly momentous occasion. Every little flash of light seemed to drag on but eventually, the torture ended and we were released to our dates for the evening. Loaded up in our separate cars, we all headed out to Texas Road House in Bethany. Everyone stared at us like we were kings and queens. It was exhilarating. We sat at a huge table and heard whispers of beauty all around. Eventually, we loaded back up and headed back to Maysville.

When we finally managed to make it back to the school, the whole placed seemed to be transformed. A red carpet was laid out at the entrance and I felt like real royalty walking into the building. We walked into the gym and the room seemed alive. Flashes of cameras lit up the room, there were white Christmas lights hanging from the rafters that glistened like dew on a morning flower and the normally dingy floors seemed almost effervescent beneath our feet. Pictures were taken and drinks were had, it was wonderful. Eventually we moved to the dance floor and swayed softly with the music as the night wore on. Everything had been so wonderful as we danced the night away. Hours ticked by and eventually we left the school. Still dressed up, we went out to Denny’s. We all sat around and laughed, no one wanted the night to end. Eventually, however, it did end and when my head finally hit a pillow hours later, I still had a smile plastered to my face.

Everything had been perfect even though I had never expected to go, let alone enjoy the night, it had been of the best. Everyone treated me like a princess and I honestly felt like one during those few short hours. That night made me realize it was okay to get excited over small things, to occasionally conform to the social norms of society. It taught me that the best fun could be had in a dress and with hair done, it taught me that I could balance the girly side with the regular.

Indestructible

Wed, 08 Aug 2012 00:41:17 -0500

The building stood before me in all of its glory; solid stone slathered over metal beams. It stood as it had for the best twenty years and all I could think of was my own insignificance next to this marvel. The years I had lived her seemed to drag on but now that they were over, it seemed as if I had just moved in yesterday. I climbed into my car and stared up at this titan; solid and sturdy until the end. I looked up into the windows and felt the building’s soul staring back at me. My eyes teared up as I looked away, memories flooding to the front of my mind. The building stood there as if it was saying goodbye and my breath started to waver. I didn’t know what else to do so I shot out of my car and ran to the side of the building as if my life depended on it. I carved one word out of the stone with my keys. I carved and carved until I was satisfied. I looked up at my finished work and smiled. Indestructible it read, the perfect word for the place that had been my home for so long.

The leaves laid scattered on the ground as she walked defiantly out to her car. You were not going...

Sat, 14 Apr 2012 22:09:42 -0500

The leaves laid scattered on the ground as she walked defiantly out to her car. You were not going to fuck with her head anymore. Her plans had already been delayed four months for you. She was supposed to be out of this red-neck, backwoods town by now. She was supposed to be free. Then, oh then, you showed back up. She wasn’t surprised but your return had mucked up her plans. You came back and you swept her off her feet. That was not part of her carefully laid out plan. It probably wasn’t part of yours either. But it happened and it now it’s all history. She should have been in the big city by now. HELL! She should have been dead by now. That had been her plan all along; save up, move away, live life to the fullest, and die. Not intentionally of course but it was going to happen nonetheless and she knew it. But you had to come back and play the tragic Romeo all over again. She stomped her way out your door when you announced that she was never going to be enough; that you two were never going to work out. She had slammed the door in your face and ran. She ran down the hall and the stairs and kept running until her feet hit solid pavement and her sanity returned. You had fucked her up again but she wasn’t going to give you another chance. She started her car and counted all the boxes she had left to pack in her mind. Tomorrow, she would be out of here and you would know just how much it sucked to be left in the wake of something that could have been beautiful. You could have been the one to tell her no. You could have stopped her but she was gone now, too far gone to be saved. Tomorrow was the last time she ever intended on seeing this drab, cracked roads that were lined by ugly, incoherent houses. She was gone and you were to blame

The wind whipped the leaves all around. The air was heavy with the scent of rain. Any minute now the...

Thu, 22 Mar 2012 22:25:32 -0500

The wind whipped the leaves all around. The air was heavy with the scent of rain. Any minute now the sky was going to open up and drench the world, cleanse it and make it new. I’d been waiting for this rain for weeks. The whole town desperately needed this biblical cleansing; the people needed the fear of God put back into them. I smiled as the first drop hit my ski-slope nose. The cement under my legs was warm even as the wet rain began to slap against it. The rain pounded down, drenching me, the yard, the whole town. I felt cleaner, somehow more pure, as the rain soaked through my clothes down to my skin. I laughed at the sky and felt the power of the rain. This is what the town really needed. This was the cleansing.

I’ve written so many things about you. I don’t know if it would be considered healthy. I...

Sun, 11 Mar 2012 22:01:47 -0500

I’ve written so many things about you. I don’t know if it would be considered healthy. I thought I was getting better. I thought we were finally going to be friends. No. No. No. I just want you to be mine again. I’m done writing out pretty little lies to make you think I’m okay. I’m not okay. I am a wreck and I don’t know how else to explain this. I love you; I probably always will in one way or another but dammit, I think I have the right to get over you. This will be the lost time I let you consume my thoughts, you will eternally just be the boy on the back burner. You will be the one that got away for all of eternity but I will be okay with that. I am working on being okay with that. I may have to suffer through too many nights of watching cute couples parade around in public but one day, one day it will not bother me. These are the last words I write for you. From now on all of these words are for me.

I can’t sleep anymore. It seems that since you left town, you took the sandman with you. I...

Sat, 25 Feb 2012 23:44:13 -0600

I can’t sleep anymore. It seems that since you left town, you took the sandman with you. I don’t know why but the pitter patter of the rain on the window doesn’t lull me to sleep. The calm of our small town home doesn’t make me yawn until my eyes won’t open. Ever since you left for the big, bad future, I can’t sleep. I lay in bed tossing and turning waiting for sleep that is just out of my reach. Maybe if I heard your voice, maybe if you said the words that we kept secret from each other, maybe then I would be able to sleep. It’s been three days now and I’m trying to think of solutions. I think the booze hiding in my bottom drawer would work. Knock me out like a light. That’s how it used to work anyways. We’d drink and I would pass out with you wrapped around me like a blanket. Maybe I just need to feel a warm body against me again. Maybe I need to be realist. I don’t know but since you left town I haven’t slept much.

I’m riddled in purple and blue dots. Spots that mar my beauty, as my momma always called them....

Wed, 03 Aug 2011 02:23:00 -0500

I’m riddled in purple and blue dots. Spots that mar my beauty, as my momma always called them. I don’t care though. I could sit with you here and I could tell you a story for everyone, though they might not all be true. I could really paint you a picture in my world of black and blue. My knees a scabbed and my palms are calloused and everywhere in between is discoloured and sore. I don’t know how it happens but I awake each morning with more. I try to ignore them, I try to make them go away but you just smile and shake your head. You want them to stay. So, yeah, I’ll sit here with these spots that mar my beauty as momma always said, and I’ll make up stories and we’ll smile and you’ll laugh and tomorrow, I’ll awake to find new dots covering my body.

ghjgj

Wed, 06 Jul 2011 18:46:20 -0500

fgdfgsd

18 June

Mon, 27 Jun 2011 14:18:47 -0500

Tonight, I’m crawling into bed reeking of you. I miss you with every fiber of my being but your scent filling my nostrils in comforting enough to put me to sleep. I know that I’m young and naive but I love you so much more than you could ever imagine. You are one of the most important people in my life. I don’t know how I’m going to survive when you go training. Two months is so long. I’m going to hate not being able to see those bright, blue eyes everyday and not feel your skin on mine. I’ve only been away from you for two hours and already, I miss you. I really hope we can work through everything. Maybe one day, we’ll get married and have 2.5 kids and live in suburbia happily ever after. I doubt it though.

7 June

Tue, 07 Jun 2011 23:07:04 -0500

Some nights, I feel like I’m ancient, like I’ve roamed this Earth for hundreds, no, thousands of years. Other nights. I feel like a child, careless and irresponsible. I can’t ever pinpoint who I am in the world. Am I ready for adulthood or do I still need sheltered? Most nights though, I just feel ignorant. I feel like I’m not ready for life, I’m not ready to exist.

Tonight, I feel frustrated and scared. I’m almost seventeen and yet I’ve never had a job, a real home, a real life. I don’t know what to do with myself. I’m sleeping in late but going to bed early. I’m trying to be healthy but avoiding working out and half the time I only eat once a day.

I’m happy, really, I am but I’m lost and it’s wearing me out. I know my life isn’t hard and I’m being over dramatic but I’m lost and I’m not entirely sure what I should be doing in life. I’m scared of what’s to come.

You say that I’m a mess as you pack your shit up into neat, little, tan boxes. I’m sorry...

Fri, 03 Jun 2011 15:09:09 -0500

You say that I’m a mess as you pack your shit up into neat, little, tan boxes. I’m sorry for not being enough or whatever else was my problem. Blah, blah, blah, you keep talking as you place perfectly folded shirts in yet another tan box. You tell me I need help, that I need to learn to listen. Fuck you. Fuck you and your impossible standards. I turn and suddenly, I see the world, the one outside this claustrophobic apartment and I don’t know what to do with my hands. You keep talking to so I scatter a few mhmms into the awkward spaces you take. How long could it take for you to pack up your three drawers of clothes and the few pairs of shoes you managed to sneak into my flat without me noticing?

It’s been an eternity since we met. We’re not the same kids we were back then. I’m not twenty one anymore and you sure as hell aren’t twenty seven. We’re aged now, we’re supposedly wiser. Maybe you are but I know I’m back to square one.

The cool air swam around him as he sat on the porch. The sun was sinking low over the horizon and he...

Tue, 31 May 2011 00:32:37 -0500

The cool air swam around him as he sat on the porch. The sun was sinking low over the horizon and he could hear his cousins laughing in the back yard. Cars were pulling up the drive and cars were leaving the drive. People came and went, everyone trying to lose themselves. He sat on the porch, beer in hand, contemplating leaving, contemplating finding her, apologizing, saying all the words that he held in.

Hey you fuck, get over here! Some one yelled at him from the drive way. He glanced down at his hands, opting to wipe them against his plaid shorts. He stumbled down the stairs, realizing too late that he had already drank too much. Fuck it, he thought as he downed the rest of his beer and grabbed another from the cooler. The summer sun sank even lower as he ambled across the lawn towards his old friends. This, this is why I hate coming home, he tossed his head towards the house. I gotta piss, bro! He practically ran from the crowd that had started gathering. He looked out the window and the sun was completely gone, stars were on the verge of bursting into the night sky. Any minute now, that sky would be lit up with bright colors as the loud booms of fireworks rang out. It’s now or never, he thought as he fumbled through his pockets looking for his phone. Call her. Call her. Caller her. Those words repeated over and over in his mind. He found her number by some miracle as the room around him started to spin. It rang and it rang and it rang, fear was filling his gut with every second that she didn’t answer. Hey I’m too busy to pick up my phone. That or it’s wedged in the couch or under my seat in the eclipse. Sorry. Out of habit, he smiled. The sound of her voice made his heart skip a beat. Look, I know I’ve been an asshole. I know I shouldn’t have left town on such bad terms. I know all of this shit and, honestly, I don’t care. I fucking miss you. And well… um… I’m sorry. J… Just call me back okay? I’ve had too much to dr— Beep. The phone cut him off. He frowned and tossed the phone onto the bathroom sink. Did he dare look up at his own reflection? His eyes scanned the faucet, roaming over the gleaming silver handle. You can do this. You are a good guy. He repeated his mantra over and over in his head until he built up enough courage to stare into the hollow, hazel eyes before the mirror. He looked like shit. There were bags under his eyes from not sleeping and his hair spiked in every which way from not caring. He stared and stared until he became entranced in his own eyes. The startling boom of the fireworks suddenly brought him back to the real world and he looked down at his phone. She had texted him. Not important enough to call, I see. He glared at his phone as he opened the message. Maybe I’ll call you when you’re sober. Honestly, I miss you too. He smiled. Maybe things were looking up.

She sat alone for the first night in ages. She had no idea what to do. Where would her hands go if...

Sun, 29 May 2011 00:32:00 -0500

She sat alone for the first night in ages. She had no idea what to do. Where would her hands go if she didn’t have his to hold? What movies was she going to watch without him picking? She curled up on the couch and missed his warmth behind her. The microwave dinged from the small kitchen down the hall. She frowned. He wasn’t there to make her a warm cup of tea like normal. God, she missed him. She stood up and padded towards the kitchen. Might as well get used to it, she thought as she stirred her tea, her desire to drink it completely gone. The florescent light over the sink flickered, she scowled at it. Don’t even think about going out on me, you piece of shit. She growled internally as it continued to flicker. She switched it off and made her way back towards the living room and flipped the TV on. Reruns. Reruns. Always with the damn reruns. She set her tea on the coffee table and flicked through the channels. Fuck. She hated this. The clock chimed two and she frowned. She should really be asleep right now. She frowned. She felt around the table for her cigarettes. One more, she thought as she walked onto the patio and into the fresh air. He hated her smoking in the apartment. He wasn’t even here and she was following his stupid rules. She inhaled the smoke and felt her lungs expand. The sky looked so beautiful. No one was awake on her street, all the windows blacked out. She sighed and stubbed out the cigarette. First night alone, she could eventually do this. She curled up on the couch and stared at the reruns on TV, hoping sleep would come soon.

Why Do I write? 16 February Because I’m broken because I can’t always hide behind locked...

Mon, 23 May 2011 14:52:15 -0500

Why Do I write? 16 February

Because I’m broken
because I can’t always hide behind locked doors
because I know there’s something wrong with me
Because I need no one listens when I talk
because I need MY truth written down
Because I can’t lie to a clean sheet of paper
Because I have nothing better to do when I’m holed up in my room
Because someone needs to hear my story
Because I have too much stress
Because it’s easier than talking to people
Because I need to vent
Because one day, it’s going to mean something
Because it stays constant when everything else changes
Because it steadies my hand
Because I love seeing something come from nothing
Because I’m too quite
Because my mom is too busy
Because my dad doesn’t live here
Because I crave something real
Because I can control stories
Because it’s simple yet complicated
Because my words need to come out
Because I don’t remember what happy feels like
Because I love a good tragedy

8 May

Fri, 13 May 2011 16:00:35 -0500

I can’t believe that everyone graduates Sunday. I can’t believe there is only ten school days left. I know I’m going to cry tomorrow. After tomorrow, everything is going to seem so empty. No more ___, _____, ____, _____, or _____. No more anyone. It’s the weirdest feeling, knowing that next year I’ll still be here but majority of my friends won’t. I know that ___ isn’t going anywhere since he’s going to _______ and ____ is joining the guard but not seeing them everyday is going to break me so bad. I’ve never gotten so attached in such a short amount of time. I mean, yeah, _______ and I are best friends but I wasn’t this emotional last year and if I’m honest, it was the distance that made us best friends. But this, this is different. This is ‘oh my god, how is this even possible, I’m never going to survive without them.’ This is three months and I’m alone again. This is ‘oh god, I can hear my heart break, feel my stomach in my throat, and tears on my cheeks.’ It’s like the end of the road. It’s just… The end.

If I ever had to pinpoint the exact moment it happen, the exact moment I fell in love, it would be...

Sat, 23 Apr 2011 10:41:49 -0500

If I ever had to pinpoint the exact moment it happen, the exact moment I fell in love, it would be one of our car rides. They were never anything special. Just you and me driving to God knows where with the radio playing and both of us singing along, tone deaf as could be. That’s when it happened. That’s when I realized just how much you meant to me. I had your hand in mine and we were coming home. Well, going to your house that I adopted as my own. We were coming home and it was dark and our hands were interlocked and you kept sending me sideways glances that made me smile. It was perfect. It was then that I realized I loved you, I would love you for ever if I could. I looked at you, your face illuminated by the dashboard lights and passing cars and I couldn’t help but squeeze your hand harder. I felt so lucky, so naive. You lifted our hands up to your mouth and you kissed mine. I felt like I was floating. I didn’t want to say it. I was scared you would run. So, I whispered it during the chorus of the song. ‘I love you,’ I could barely hear the words spill from my own mouth but somehow you heard it. You muted the radio, that crooked smile planted on your face. ‘I was wondering when you were going to realize it’ You kept your eyes on the road ahead but your hand tightened on mine. ‘I love you too. More than I ever planned.’ And we drove on into the night.

I’m scared, I realize as I hold your hand in mine. Tonight is the last big night until...

Mon, 11 Apr 2011 21:28:00 -0500

I’m scared, I realize as I hold your hand in mine. Tonight is the last big night until graduation. My breath starts to get shaky, the panic starts to surface but you hold my hand tighter. I look up and your blue eyes captivate me, they destroy me. My insides go to mush and I just need a kiss. One, simple, little kiss and I feel so much better. I take one more breath. Inhale. Hold. Exhale. Everything is becoming more clear. I turn to you and adjust your tie. You look perfect in your black suit with me on your arm. It’s just prom night. I don’t know why I’m so nervous. Maybe it’s the heels sending all the blood to my pounding feet or maybe my dress is too tight. I don’t know. I don’t know. I do know that together, we look perfect. You’re just an inch taller than me in these heels and your arms fits perfectly around my waist. I do know that tonight, tonight I’m happy. I’m content to sit on your lap as we wait for a nice, slow song to come on over the speakers in the gym. Yeah, prom in the gym. Who would have thought? Prom in the gym that I spend every fifth hour in seems to be more perfect than if it were in some huge ballroom in an expensive hotel. Tonight is just wonderful. You grab my hand at one point and tug me onto the ‘dance floor’ that is really just they gym floor polished and covered in cute paper. We twirl around on the dance floor and you don’t mind when I step on your feet. You don’t mind that I can’t keep rhythm or that I’m a total klutz. You just pull me in closer as the music starts to get softer and whisper sweet nothings in my ear. Tonight is perfect. I never want it to end. Slowly, people start to leave. The night at school is dying down but we’re still twirling on the floor. You still have your arms locked tightly around me and you don’t feel like you’re ever going to let go but slowly you do. Slowly, you spin me around and you look into my eyes and you whisper sweet nothings and then you loosen your grip and you take my hand and we leave. We run. We head out into the cold night air and we smile. Tonight is perfect. We race to your car and I lose my heels somewhere between the building and there. I don’t mind. I have flats in your trunk and more shoes at your house if necessary. We get in your car and I grab my bag from the back seat, comfortable clothes nestled inside it for safe keeping. I lift up the bottom of my dress and shimmy into a pair of jeans. You glance over and smile, whispering sweet nothings, you know I hate dresses. You know I only wore one for you. I undo the laces on the back of my dress, unzip the side and slide it down, holding my chest in my hands, much to your dismay. I giggle. You go red in the face when I catch you staring. I toss on my sports bra and one of your jackets from the back seat. It’s too big on me but it makes me feel safe. It smells like you and I love smelling like you. Tonight is perfect. You roll into Denny’s parking lot alongside everyone else we know and I smile to them. My hair is still pinned up and my shoes are still missing but I can’t stop smiling. I light a cigarette and sit beside my best friend. You laugh as you see my hands tremble with relief. I glance around at the familiar faces and think of how different next year is going to be. We’re all going our separate ways, we’re all moving on, moving up, growing up. I’m excited but I’m scared. You can see it in my eyes. You lean over and kiss me, sweetly, softly, on the lips and I honestly see stars. We all spend the night smoking and talking and just laughing our asses off. Eventually, the worker’s at Denny’s get mad at us and we’re forced to leave. We drive around for a while, a few extra people crammed into the car.

_______________________________________

TO BE CONTINUED

Germany.

Fri, 25 Mar 2011 07:00:06 -0500

Peace in Chaos

I hurry or rather sprint out my front door. It rattles as I slam it shut; worry creases my forehead, I’m going to miss it again. Barefoot, I race down the street, the forest green, ruby red, and golden rod yellow bricks of the ground blur by me. My feet begin to pound as they hit the pavement with determination. I can see the monstrous grey buses approaching like elephants, large and steady. I tell myself to slow down before anyone sees me running like a maniac, shoeless. Calmly, I stroll up to the bus stop while everyone piles into the massive German tour buses used every morning and afternoon for school. The angry drivers getting cut off as the buses pull out are heatedly honking their horns with no real result. It’s here in the chaos of Spesbach that I honestly find peace.

Like clockwork, the buses pull over at 3:15 P.M. to drop all the students back at home. Through the masses of children, ages five to seventeen, I find my sisters and a few of my friends. We prefer to avoid going home and turn left towards the Netto. Almost simultaneously we reach for our jeans’ pockets in search of euros. My fingertips skim across the cool, smooth surface of the coins and I already know what I’m going to buy. We walk into the refreshing feel of the air conditioning and head straight for the candy section. I grab a bag of gummy bears and a liter bottle of sprite and head quickly towards the cash register before the line gets long with all the other students coming in for a snack after a long day at school. With a smile, I hand the cashier my money, listening to the soft clinking of the metal coins landing in the plastic drawer and say “danke,” thank you, as I leave.

Outside, I open my plastic bag marked Haribo in brilliant oranges and reds and prepare to feast on only the red and clear ones, discarding all the others. Everyone is finally leaving the Netto with its big sign of pale yellow and burning red that is as welcoming as a smile getting farther behind from us with every step we take. We walk slowly down the main street with its perfectly lined identical, pastel-colored houses that ooze with German suburbia. The air smells slightly like pungent car exhaust but is counterbalanced by the deliciously sweet, cherry flavor of the red gummy bear in my mouth.

The lights start to fade from the sky as if the energy is being evaporated, darkening and mutilating it. In contrast, the distant sky is lit up and bright, but the sun has no part in this. It is all the lights from the airstrip on base, illuminating the ground for the airplanes to safely land. It diminishes the dark beauty that is the night sky and hides the stars but the still, it radiates with beauty and magnificence, and it is truly mesmerizing.

We venture towards our homes, the idea of work slowing us to a snail’s pace. Finally, I reach my street and run my palm across the deep, almost forest green street sign, it’s as cold as ice but comforting in letting me know I’m almost home. We say our goodbyes and hear the soft calling of the sheep in the background, making us remember we live, in fact, in the country and not the city, though it doesn’t seem that way most days. I begin to walk down the street, breathing in the sugary, sweet smell of the wild flowers freshly blown in the wind and the warm and inviting smell of home, making me smile as I open the front door, knowing that tomorrow will have me racing to the bus stop again.

This is my home, Spesbach, a small town in Germany that balances the beauty of nature with the energy of a city. I could spend hours wandering the streets or sitting in the fields of dandelions. This is where peace becomes more than just an expression used by adults to complain but an honest state of mind that fills my brain and lets me enjoy every aspect of this life. This is the place I go to clear my head and express my thoughts, where I venture in my mind when I need a reason to smile. This is my home away from home, the place where I am completely content. This is my place of peace and chaos.